Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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