saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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