He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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