there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
