Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
