what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
