The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize