i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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