I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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