You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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