dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
