Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
