my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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