it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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