I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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