You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize