Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
