Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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