i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
