It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
