I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize