dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
