just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My penis needs a shock collar
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
