I think my vagina is haunted
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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