For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
