Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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