True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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