his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
