**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
