i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
