The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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