I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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