Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
