U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
