im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
