we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
