walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
