Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
