I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize