Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
