wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
