New low: just hacked my moms facebook
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
