She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
