so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
