You can't special order awesome
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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