Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
