We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
