Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
