the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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