I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
