I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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