I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize