Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
