dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
