problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
