and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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