she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
