My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
smell my finger.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
