I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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