Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
