trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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