hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
