does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
