Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize