I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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