when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
