Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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