wat bout pragnant strippers??
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i came on her dog
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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