all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the room spins SO much faster in panama
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
