Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize