In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
