I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
