barbara walters just said penis...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
