i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
