I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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