dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
