i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
