dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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