my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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