Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
